Right off the bat, and we all need to realize this, is when things get emotional, you need to become like Michael Corleone (if you do not understand the reference, please just Wikipedia the story and the character as it relates to the other character) and less like Sonny.
LEAVE THE EMOTION OF OUT OF YOUR DECISION....
.....and realize that the Police do not solve problems.
No matter your style of parenting, your children will make their own decisions and will be influenced by temptations that you cannot control. When your daughter says she is going to a concert and sleeping over at Amy's house, she's likely going to do drugs and potentially exhibit normative behavior.
Drive them around the bad parts of town. Explain to her that a felony on your record will hurt your chances of getting an apartment when she turns 18. Take her to a trailer park or your local MLK Blvd. and explain that her choices of drug use will likely end up here or jail. Basically a scared straight approach seems to work best. And the rest are obvious. You shouldn't even have needed to say anything about a phone shutoff. Just DO it.
Its too late for spankings and screaming matches will get you closer to a heart attack. Read Art of War and you'll atleast get something out of this.
Right off the bat, and we all need to realize this, is when things get emotional, you need to become like Michael Corleone (if you do not understand the reference, please just Wikipedia the story and the character as it relates to the other character) and less like Sonny.
LEAVE THE EMOTION OF OUT OF YOUR DECISION....
.....and realize that the Police do not solve problems.
No matter your style of parenting, your children will make their own decisions and will be influenced by temptations that you cannot control. When your daughter says she is going to a concert and sleeping over at Amy's house, she's likely going to do drugs and potentially exhibit normative behavior.
Drive them around the bad parts of town. Explain to her that a felony on your record will hurt your chances of getting an apartment when she turns 18. Take her to a trailer park or your local MLK Blvd. and explain that her choices of drug use will likely end up here or jail. Basically a scared straight approach seems to work best. And the rest are obvious. You shouldn't even have needed to say anything about a phone shutoff. Just DO it.
Its too late for spankings and screaming matches will get you closer to a heart attack. Read Art of War and you'll atleast get something out of this.
That's a little far fetched and would have noticed the money if she was dealing. A lawyer would have taken care of it on my end and was more worried about getting the drugs and her out of the house before I did something stupid. At most it would have been a pain in the behind for me.
Goose is correct. In addition, you can't give our overzealous government a reason to grab your house. If they did, would you have the necessary capital for a lawyer to try and get it back? Don't kid yourself, things like this happen everyday.
That's a little far fetched and would have noticed the money if she was dealing. A lawyer would have taken care of it on my end and was more worried about getting the drugs and her out of the house before I did something stupid. At most it would have been a pain in the behind for me.
Goose is correct. In addition, you can't give our overzealous government a reason to grab your house. If they did, would you have the necessary capital for a lawyer to try and get it back? Don't kid yourself, things like this happen everyday.
BTW, your daughter, she sounds awesome. Sounds like she's been well raised if she has no respect for the fact that there's young child is in the house and leaves hard drugs laying around. In addition, I guess she doesn't know that many business won't hire people convicted of a felony, but she's probably not interested in working anyway. Keep paying her phone bill, car insurance, gas money, et al., probably a rehab stint or 2 is in your future, I'm sorry but you created her.
BTW, your daughter, she sounds awesome. Sounds like she's been well raised if she has no respect for the fact that there's young child is in the house and leaves hard drugs laying around. In addition, I guess she doesn't know that many business won't hire people convicted of a felony, but she's probably not interested in working anyway. Keep paying her phone bill, car insurance, gas money, et al., probably a rehab stint or 2 is in your future, I'm sorry but you created her.
Sorry, I just read it's your stepdaughter and you're not solely responsible for this train wreck but you're going to be the one cleaning up her mess, sounds like her Mom isn't into much into raising kids. It's a package deal now... And lucky she's 16 the felony likely will go away, but 18 isn't far off and if she doesn't take any of this seriously, she will eventually...
Sorry, I just read it's your stepdaughter and you're not solely responsible for this train wreck but you're going to be the one cleaning up her mess, sounds like her Mom isn't into much into raising kids. It's a package deal now... And lucky she's 16 the felony likely will go away, but 18 isn't far off and if she doesn't take any of this seriously, she will eventually...
I've been thinking about this and there isn't a right and wrong way to handle this. This is an example of the hard decisions parents face everyday and I like when someone takes a chance and is honest on here. She's not a bad person... She's just a kid. I'd be willing to bet that she's in the beginning stages of alcoholism/addiction and she has a painful road ahead of her. I can understand Bill's reaction because his two year old was put in harms way. It was a big help to me to always have the love and support of my parents even during my darkest days. Life isn't easy, this situation isn't an easy one to figure out and there aren't any answers. Good luck Bill, you're in a tough spot.
I've been thinking about this and there isn't a right and wrong way to handle this. This is an example of the hard decisions parents face everyday and I like when someone takes a chance and is honest on here. She's not a bad person... She's just a kid. I'd be willing to bet that she's in the beginning stages of alcoholism/addiction and she has a painful road ahead of her. I can understand Bill's reaction because his two year old was put in harms way. It was a big help to me to always have the love and support of my parents even during my darkest days. Life isn't easy, this situation isn't an easy one to figure out and there aren't any answers. Good luck Bill, you're in a tough spot.
I've been thinking about this and there isn't a right and wrong way to handle this. This is an example of the hard decisions parents face everyday and I like when someone takes a chance and is honest on here. She's not a bad person... She's just a kid. I'd be willing to bet that she's in the beginning stages of alcoholism/addiction and she has a painful road ahead of her. I can understand Bill's reaction because his two year old was put in harms way. It was a big help to me to always have the love and support of my parents even during my darkest days. Life isn't easy, this situation isn't an easy one to figure out and there aren't any answers. Good luck Bill, you're in a tough spot.
I've been thinking about this and there isn't a right and wrong way to handle this. This is an example of the hard decisions parents face everyday and I like when someone takes a chance and is honest on here. She's not a bad person... She's just a kid. I'd be willing to bet that she's in the beginning stages of alcoholism/addiction and she has a painful road ahead of her. I can understand Bill's reaction because his two year old was put in harms way. It was a big help to me to always have the love and support of my parents even during my darkest days. Life isn't easy, this situation isn't an easy one to figure out and there aren't any answers. Good luck Bill, you're in a tough spot.
I agree with detox- this is a difficult situation-
A couple of scenarios to consider:
Suppose the 2 yr old found the Xanax and ingested some- now you're headed to the emergency room- a simple urine drug screen will detect benzodiazepines- at this point, hopefully the child is ok- but will be admitted for at least observation- and almost certainly child protective services will be called, only to find out that the Xanax belonged to a 16 year old in the home- once that train starts rolling it is hard to stop-
Or- one of the 16 yr old's friends comes over- shares in the Xanax (and possibly other "things")- they return home- parents detect that their child has taken something- same scenario- they report it- another nightmare investigation ensues-
Both of these happen regularly, so not only are they plausible- but probable based in the situation as described-
And both occurred under your roof-
I really can find no fault with being proactive when there is so much at stake- in terms of health/life and potential legal problems for YOU down the road-
I agree with detox- this is a difficult situation-
A couple of scenarios to consider:
Suppose the 2 yr old found the Xanax and ingested some- now you're headed to the emergency room- a simple urine drug screen will detect benzodiazepines- at this point, hopefully the child is ok- but will be admitted for at least observation- and almost certainly child protective services will be called, only to find out that the Xanax belonged to a 16 year old in the home- once that train starts rolling it is hard to stop-
Or- one of the 16 yr old's friends comes over- shares in the Xanax (and possibly other "things")- they return home- parents detect that their child has taken something- same scenario- they report it- another nightmare investigation ensues-
Both of these happen regularly, so not only are they plausible- but probable based in the situation as described-
And both occurred under your roof-
I really can find no fault with being proactive when there is so much at stake- in terms of health/life and potential legal problems for YOU down the road-
Nice analogy DSN. You have to consider worst case scenarios. People rarely look at things that deep. They're like - nothing happened so everything is ok. If you run that scenario multiple time it's not always going to come out as a no play though. That's what people fail to consider. Roll the dice enough, a loser is going to come up and when it does, it could be a life changer...
Nice analogy DSN. You have to consider worst case scenarios. People rarely look at things that deep. They're like - nothing happened so everything is ok. If you run that scenario multiple time it's not always going to come out as a no play though. That's what people fail to consider. Roll the dice enough, a loser is going to come up and when it does, it could be a life changer...
I was all screwed up when I was 16 and if I was in her shoes I would probably feel like my mother abandoned me for a guy that doesn't even love me. That's a dangerous place mentally for a person with her issues to be. It might not even be true but my self centered mind would go right to that kind of an extreme if I was in her shoes.
The mother will have to listen to Bill and the 16 year old. Bill will have to reason with his wife about a 16 year old that has a bunch of issues and isn't even his and the 16 year old will probably feel like nobody loves her, feel sorry for herself and embark on a journey of self destruction. It's a shitty situation for everyone involved but the 16 year old might have it the worst.
I was all screwed up when I was 16 and if I was in her shoes I would probably feel like my mother abandoned me for a guy that doesn't even love me. That's a dangerous place mentally for a person with her issues to be. It might not even be true but my self centered mind would go right to that kind of an extreme if I was in her shoes.
The mother will have to listen to Bill and the 16 year old. Bill will have to reason with his wife about a 16 year old that has a bunch of issues and isn't even his and the 16 year old will probably feel like nobody loves her, feel sorry for herself and embark on a journey of self destruction. It's a shitty situation for everyone involved but the 16 year old might have it the worst.
this is an over reaction by calling the cops plain and simple... you deal with family issues internally, everyone has them.. If it was your real daughter no chance you'd made that call..
Im not coming in here bashing but thats the truth..
where is the mother of your 2 year old while shes running around and why has she allowed her daughter to run rapid.. its obvious she has or the girl would at least have the decency to hide here stash like a normal teen going through this stage...
Life is rough bro.. you need to establish the rules of your house not let the cops do it.. id say if you dont, in a yr or so youll also have an unwanted grandkid that you and your wife will inherit financial responsibility for also
this is an over reaction by calling the cops plain and simple... you deal with family issues internally, everyone has them.. If it was your real daughter no chance you'd made that call..
Im not coming in here bashing but thats the truth..
where is the mother of your 2 year old while shes running around and why has she allowed her daughter to run rapid.. its obvious she has or the girl would at least have the decency to hide here stash like a normal teen going through this stage...
Life is rough bro.. you need to establish the rules of your house not let the cops do it.. id say if you dont, in a yr or so youll also have an unwanted grandkid that you and your wife will inherit financial responsibility for also
Nice analogy DSN. You have to consider worst case scenarios. People rarely look at things that deep. They're like - nothing happened so everything is ok. If you run that scenario multiple time it's not always going to come out as a no play though. That's what people fail to consider. Roll the dice enough, a loser is going to come up and when it does, it could be a life changer...
I'm an engineer my basic instincts have always been worst case scenario. I have sat back and rarely interject myself into the situation between her and her mother because of the fallout that usually comes with it.
Nice analogy DSN. You have to consider worst case scenarios. People rarely look at things that deep. They're like - nothing happened so everything is ok. If you run that scenario multiple time it's not always going to come out as a no play though. That's what people fail to consider. Roll the dice enough, a loser is going to come up and when it does, it could be a life changer...
I'm an engineer my basic instincts have always been worst case scenario. I have sat back and rarely interject myself into the situation between her and her mother because of the fallout that usually comes with it.
I was all screwed up when I was 16 and if I was in her shoes I would probably feel like my mother abandoned me for a guy that doesn't even love me. That's a dangerous place mentally for a person with her issues to be. It might not even be true but my self centered mind would go right to that kind of an extreme if I was in her shoes.
The mother will have to listen to Bill and the 16 year old. Bill will have to reason with his wife about a 16 year old that has a bunch of issues and isn't even his and the 16 year old will probably feel like nobody loves her, feel sorry for herself and embark on a journey of self destruction. It's a shitty situation for everyone involved but the 16 year old might have it the worst.
I think you would be hard pressed to find a teenager that isn't all screwed up. I agree a lot of this behavior is typical for a teenager, but I can't allow it to effect everyone else.
I think she does feel that way, but she created the relationship she has with me. I'm just the one to usually call her out on the bullshit when I shouldn't be the one doing it her mother should be. She's been in counseling for the last 4 years and it seems like the just come up with a diagnosis for her every year. It was oppositional defiant order last year and now it's that she is bi polar. Previously she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I just felt like I ran out of options this time and even gave her the choice.
I was all screwed up when I was 16 and if I was in her shoes I would probably feel like my mother abandoned me for a guy that doesn't even love me. That's a dangerous place mentally for a person with her issues to be. It might not even be true but my self centered mind would go right to that kind of an extreme if I was in her shoes.
The mother will have to listen to Bill and the 16 year old. Bill will have to reason with his wife about a 16 year old that has a bunch of issues and isn't even his and the 16 year old will probably feel like nobody loves her, feel sorry for herself and embark on a journey of self destruction. It's a shitty situation for everyone involved but the 16 year old might have it the worst.
I think you would be hard pressed to find a teenager that isn't all screwed up. I agree a lot of this behavior is typical for a teenager, but I can't allow it to effect everyone else.
I think she does feel that way, but she created the relationship she has with me. I'm just the one to usually call her out on the bullshit when I shouldn't be the one doing it her mother should be. She's been in counseling for the last 4 years and it seems like the just come up with a diagnosis for her every year. It was oppositional defiant order last year and now it's that she is bi polar. Previously she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I just felt like I ran out of options this time and even gave her the choice.
A little update though. So she ended up running away which we kind of expected it because we are going on a family vacation to San Fran this week. We came with the decision she will move in with her dad full time and spend the weekends at our house for her senior year. She has plenty more issues with her dad then she does with me, but we all think that's the best for her right now. She will get the structure she needs without it having to come from her step father.
A little update though. So she ended up running away which we kind of expected it because we are going on a family vacation to San Fran this week. We came with the decision she will move in with her dad full time and spend the weekends at our house for her senior year. She has plenty more issues with her dad then she does with me, but we all think that's the best for her right now. She will get the structure she needs without it having to come from her step father.
this is an over reaction by calling the cops plain and simple... you deal with family issues internally, everyone has them.. If it was your real daughter no chance you'd made that call..
Im not coming in here bashing but thats the truth..
where is the mother of your 2 year old while shes running around and why has she allowed her daughter to run rapid.. its obvious she has or the girl would at least have the decency to hide here stash like a normal teen going through this stage...
Life is rough bro.. you need to establish the rules of your house not let the cops do it.. id say if you dont, in a yr or so youll also have an unwanted grandkid that you and your wife will inherit financial responsibility for also
Thats how I grew up as well. Like I said this is the first time I called the cops in my life. My sister even ran me over with her car without me calling them haha.
Why she allows her daughter to run rampant is I think she feels sorry for her to tell you the truth and the daughter knows how to manipulate that to get what she wants.
this is an over reaction by calling the cops plain and simple... you deal with family issues internally, everyone has them.. If it was your real daughter no chance you'd made that call..
Im not coming in here bashing but thats the truth..
where is the mother of your 2 year old while shes running around and why has she allowed her daughter to run rapid.. its obvious she has or the girl would at least have the decency to hide here stash like a normal teen going through this stage...
Life is rough bro.. you need to establish the rules of your house not let the cops do it.. id say if you dont, in a yr or so youll also have an unwanted grandkid that you and your wife will inherit financial responsibility for also
Thats how I grew up as well. Like I said this is the first time I called the cops in my life. My sister even ran me over with her car without me calling them haha.
Why she allows her daughter to run rampant is I think she feels sorry for her to tell you the truth and the daughter knows how to manipulate that to get what she wants.
First you said she wasn't dealing , the you said she was selling her friends her grandmother's drugs. Are you sure you the drugs were on the floor , or did you search her room to find them . It seems like you wanted this brat out of the house and knew how to do it.
6 bars of Xanax just lying out in the open on the floor.
First you said she wasn't dealing , the you said she was selling her friends her grandmother's drugs. Are you sure you the drugs were on the floor , or did you search her room to find them . It seems like you wanted this brat out of the house and knew how to do it.
6 bars of Xanax just lying out in the open on the floor.
The worst thing you could do as a step father would be to call the cops on her for being involved with drugs. Most teenagers go through a phase experimenting with drugs. All you can do is educate her about the harmful effects of daily drug use and hope it passes through. You can pretty much guarantee all the trust your step daughter had with you gone after you called the police on her.
The worst thing you could do as a step father would be to call the cops on her for being involved with drugs. Most teenagers go through a phase experimenting with drugs. All you can do is educate her about the harmful effects of daily drug use and hope it passes through. You can pretty much guarantee all the trust your step daughter had with you gone after you called the police on her.
All I can say is I wish you the best of luck. I think anyone trying to tell you that you are wrong or right here is out of line. Hard to say what you might do if put in this situation. Hope you and your family get out of this well.
All I can say is I wish you the best of luck. I think anyone trying to tell you that you are wrong or right here is out of line. Hard to say what you might do if put in this situation. Hope you and your family get out of this well.
jesus thats horrible parenting, could have just had a sit down and discussion, gotta be more in touch with your family than resorting to the cops...also didn't do your stepdaughter any favors by practically giving her a felony and crim history effectively killing any shot of her landing a decent job. Have fun pooping your pants when she dumps you in a nursing home asap the minute you can't take of yourself anymore.
jesus thats horrible parenting, could have just had a sit down and discussion, gotta be more in touch with your family than resorting to the cops...also didn't do your stepdaughter any favors by practically giving her a felony and crim history effectively killing any shot of her landing a decent job. Have fun pooping your pants when she dumps you in a nursing home asap the minute you can't take of yourself anymore.
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