First Time Sex

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Author: [General Discussion] Topic: First Time Sex
ApacheM PM ApacheM
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Posted: 4/10/2012 11:31:41 AM
 

FIRST TIME SEX

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.


At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.


10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'


The boy turns, and whispers back,


'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!'

Henry-Lilly PM Henry-Lilly
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Posted: 4/10/2012 11:36:39 AM
Biscuiteater1 PM Biscuiteater1
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Posted: 4/10/2012 11:38:53 AM
I-Got-5-On-It PM I-Got-5-On-It
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Posted: 4/10/2012 11:39:25 AM

they made that joke into a commercial  

back in the day

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Posted: 4/10/2012 11:42:28 AM
mainmanmainman2 PM mainmanmainman2
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Posted: 4/10/2012 12:29:09 PM
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Posted: 4/10/2012 12:49:25 PM
Nilshu PM Nilshu
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Posted: 4/10/2012 2:27:35 PM
The Hawk PM The Hawk
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Posted: 4/10/2012 2:45:29 PM
This is racist against pharmacists...............uh......................wait.................................help me scal..........................
tideman PM tideman
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Posted: 4/10/2012 2:46:34 PM

scalabrine PM scalabrine
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Posted: 4/10/2012 3:21:16 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by The Hawk:

This is racist against pharmacists...............uh......................wait.................................help me scal..........................

No, this post isn't racist. And I wasn't going to say anything more in his threads but since you want to throw out my name, I'll make an appearance. 

It's a much worse than rasicm in his faith. One needn't look further than Romans 8:5 to know that those that engage in sexual immorality (referenced elsewhere as fornication) will not inherit the Kingdom of Heaven.

This is, of course, in the Bible and if you know anything about the Bible, it is the ENTIRE BASIS for the Church itself. 

But who cares about that as a Catholic!? I mean, listen, just believe in Jesus and everything will be A-OK because all is forgiven.

Such an attitude is a mockery of his own faith and invokes the 'get out of jail free card' in which he can make jokes about fornication, looking up woman's dresses in Church (as a clergy member or preteen no less) or even Jerry Sandusky as Train gleefully said was allowed in the last thread.

All this in a country of 'personal responsibility' where the faith is driven by everything BUT responsibility for any and all things or actions and immerses itself in forgiveness; almost like a restart button on a video game.

And note how Apache in the very next thread after the 'Nookie Green' thread creates one about 'Sex' (really fornication) right in the title, as to say, consciously or subconsciously, "Watch me say whatever I want as an Irish Catholic, no matter how offensive to God or fellow Catholic, because of course ALL IS FORGIVEN!"

What is faith if works don't evidence it???

It's much more than just a joke. MUCH MORE. 

But really...lighten up will ya...
ApacheM PM ApacheM
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Posted: 4/10/2012 3:27:22 PM
 Scal, you need to get on Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson's web site and tell them how it is. You obviously qualify as a preacher.
Johnzimbo34 PM Johnzimbo34
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Posted: 4/10/2012 3:32:52 PM
I assumed racists had at least some sense of humor...now I know otherwise
HutchEmAll PM HutchEmAll
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Posted: 4/10/2012 3:35:13 PM
the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.  
scalabrine PM scalabrine
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Posted: 4/10/2012 3:37:23 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by ApacheM:

 Scal, you need to get on Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson's web site and tell them how it is. You obviously qualify as a preacher.

Once you hear the words "Al and Jesse" come from a man's lips you have all you need to know about how he views the black community. Remember that. It happens here all the time.
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Posted: 4/10/2012 4:02:32 PM
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Posted: 4/10/2012 4:06:52 PM
ApacheM PM ApacheM
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Posted: 4/10/2012 4:46:07 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by scalabrine:


Once you hear the words "Al and Jesse" come from a man's lips you have all you need to know about how he views the black community. Remember that. It happens here all the time.
Al and Jesse, the kings of race baiting, they must be your heroes.
The Hawk PM The Hawk
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Posted: 4/10/2012 4:48:05 PM

Some people get the joke, some do not.

See, the point about a racist pharmacist...........is that there is no point. It is absurd to call it a racist joke, because race was never brought up. THAT is the joke!

The Nookie joke (I'm sure Apache didn't make this joke up himself, but if you want to kill the messenger, by all means), deals with something most people know: Catholics. It's a pretty big religion, so most people either are, or know someone that is Catholic. Going to confession and Hail Marys are not unknown to most. But the main punchline has to do with her NAME and a REFLECTION. NOT the fact the people involved are Catholic. You could try and make this joke with a Latter Day Saints or Jewish or Baptist lean, but most of these religions are not common knowledge. I'm not going to even go to priest/alter boy jokes, but the mere fact that there are so many Catholics, automatically makes them the prevelant "target" for so many jokes. Just like whenever there is a conflict in the Middle East, you'll get a lot of "sand" and "carpet" jokes. But where do you draw the line?

For most, being called or referred to as dumb, is another common joke. I'm sure there are a lot of Michigan/Ohio State jokes that call each other names; likewise with every rivalry.

But again, when you go with the most common denominator for dumb, it is usually..............The Dumb Blonde Joke

Are all blondes dumb? Doubt it. I've seen plenty of dumb brunettes, redheads, even a gal with purple hair (I saw her in a grocery store, buying shampoo for 'Normal' hair).........

Same with Polish jokes. Before this great land of ours poked fun at the Poles, we had the Italians to call stupid. Or the Irish. Or whatever.

Now, most anyone can find fault with ANY joke. Not every joke is funny, no matter how hard you try. But, Scal, buddy, you seem to find fault with any joke..............

Dumb blonde joke-offensive to blondes

Polish joke-offensive to Poles

Knock knock joke-hey man, some people don't have homes.....

Scal, try and laugh once a day. Otherwise, you're gonna be crying all the time.................

 

ApacheM PM ApacheM
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Posted: 4/10/2012 5:09:52 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by The Hawk:

Some people get the joke, some do not.

See, the point about a racist pharmacist...........is that there is no point. It is absurd to call it a racist joke, because race was never brought up. THAT is the joke!

The Nookie joke (I'm sure Apache didn't make this joke up himself, but if you want to kill the messenger, by all means), deals with something most people know: Catholics. It's a pretty big religion, so most people either are, or know someone that is Catholic. Going to confession and Hail Marys are not unknown to most. But the main punchline has to do with her NAME and a REFLECTION. NOT the fact the people involved are Catholic. You could try and make this joke with a Latter Day Saints or Jewish or Baptist lean, but most of these religions are not common knowledge. I'm not going to even go to priest/alter boy jokes, but the mere fact that there are so many Catholics, automatically makes them the prevelant "target" for so many jokes. Just like whenever there is a conflict in the Middle East, you'll get a lot of "sand" and "carpet" jokes. But where do you draw the line?

For most, being called or referred to as dumb, is another common joke. I'm sure there are a lot of Michigan/Ohio State jokes that call each other names; likewise with every rivalry.

But again, when you go with the most common denominator for dumb, it is usually..............The Dumb Blonde Joke

Are all blondes dumb? Doubt it. I've seen plenty of dumb brunettes, redheads, even a gal with purple hair (I saw her in a grocery store, buying shampoo for 'Normal' hair).........

Same with Polish jokes. Before this great land of ours poked fun at the Poles, we had the Italians to call stupid. Or the Irish. Or whatever.

Now, most anyone can find fault with ANY joke. Not every joke is funny, no matter how hard you try. But, Scal, buddy, you seem to find fault with any joke..............

Dumb blonde joke-offensive to blondes

Polish joke-offensive to Poles

Knock knock joke-hey man, some people don't have homes.....

Scal, try and laugh once a day. Otherwise, you're gonna be crying all the time.................

 

 Very Well said Hawk.
standuley PM standuley
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Posted: 4/10/2012 5:13:36 PM
scalabrine PM scalabrine
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Posted: 4/10/2012 5:15:49 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by The Hawk:

Some people get the joke, some do not.

See, the point about a racist pharmacist...........is that there is no point. It is absurd to call it a racist joke, because race was never brought up. THAT is the joke!

The Nookie joke (I'm sure Apache didn't make this joke up himself, but if you want to kill the messenger, by all means), deals with something most people know: Catholics. It's a pretty big religion, so most people either are, or know someone that is Catholic. Going to confession and Hail Marys are not unknown to most. But the main punchline has to do with her NAME and a REFLECTION. NOT the fact the people involved are Catholic. You could try and make this joke with a Latter Day Saints or Jewish or Baptist lean, but most of these religions are not common knowledge. I'm not going to even go to priest/alter boy jokes, but the mere fact that there are so many Catholics, automatically makes them the prevelant "target" for so many jokes. Just like whenever there is a conflict in the Middle East, you'll get a lot of "sand" and "carpet" jokes. But where do you draw the line?

For most, being called or referred to as dumb, is another common joke. I'm sure there are a lot of Michigan/Ohio State jokes that call each other names; likewise with every rivalry.

But again, when you go with the most common denominator for dumb, it is usually..............The Dumb Blonde Joke

Are all blondes dumb? Doubt it. I've seen plenty of dumb brunettes, redheads, even a gal with purple hair (I saw her in a grocery store, buying shampoo for 'Normal' hair).........

Same with Polish jokes. Before this great land of ours poked fun at the Poles, we had the Italians to call stupid. Or the Irish. Or whatever.

Now, most anyone can find fault with ANY joke. Not every joke is funny, no matter how hard you try. But, Scal, buddy, you seem to find fault with any joke..............

Dumb blonde joke-offensive to blondes

Polish joke-offensive to Poles

Knock knock joke-hey man, some people don't have homes.....

Scal, try and laugh once a day. Otherwise, you're gonna be crying all the time.................

 


This post misses the entire point of the 'content choice' of the joke itself, of which there are literally billions of options.

It like those other unseemly jokes where someone pulls you aside and while whispering (and the whispering is very revealing), tells you a very course joke about something sexual. 

You know those people when you see them and gravitate away from them (and to those who are reading this who actually tell those jokes, you'll see the room move away from you most of the time, unless it's 'one of the guys' who actually likes that sort of thing).

It is a revelation of character, plain and simple.

I only bring this up because of the Irish Catholic spin to it. He's clearly an Irish Catholic.

I ask again, what does it mean to be Catholic or even Christian if these 'jokes' are appropriate? I simply don't see them as 'just jokes' and the need to 'lighten up.' These people have no idea what the Bible message contains or commands them to obey. And that goes for many, many Christians in general.
scalabrine PM scalabrine
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Posted: 4/10/2012 5:17:20 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by ApacheM:

Al and Jesse, the kings of race baiting, they must be your heroes.

The only bait you should focus on is at the end of a fish hook. It's all you'll ever understand.
TRAIN69 PM TRAIN69
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Posted: 4/10/2012 8:58:26 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by scalabrine:


This post misses the entire point of the 'content choice' of the joke itself, of which there are literally billions of options.

It like those other unseemly jokes where someone pulls you aside and while whispering (and the whispering is very revealing), tells you a very course joke about something sexual. 

You know those people when you see them and gravitate away from them (and to those who are reading this who actually tell those jokes, you'll see the room move away from you most of the time, unless it's 'one of the guys' who actually likes that sort of thing).

It is a revelation of character, plain and simple.

I only bring this up because of the Irish Catholic spin to it. He's clearly an Irish Catholic.

I ask again, what does it mean to be Catholic or even Christian if these 'jokes' are appropriate? I simply don't see them as 'just jokes' and the need to 'lighten up.' These people have no idea what the Bible message contains or commands them to obey. And that goes for many, many Christians in general.

Let he without sin cast the 1st stone.

 

 Doubt you'll be picking up and rocks Scal

TRAIN69 PM TRAIN69
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Posted: 4/10/2012 9:25:50 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by TRAIN69:

Let he without sin cast the 1st stone.

 

 Doubt you'll be picking up any rocks Scal

Fixed it

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