Posted: 7/26/2011 3:36:01 PM
QUOTE Originally Posted by 5_for_Fighting:
First off, I want to apologize to all those people I have pissed off over the years.
I have become a bitter person over the years, and have taken it out on many of you.
I don't want to get into everything too much, but, suffice it to say that I have demons in my past that have come out too much since my retirement from the Feds.
A few years ago I was involved in an on job "incident" that brought up too many bad memories from my childhood, and I started to act more like an fool after that incident.
I have to thank CD and Staln for really hitting close to home with the "freak", "incest" and
" horrible childhood and probably got teased and beat up alot, which caused him to become so nasty in society toward people" comments
The truth is, there was no incest, but I was molested. The molestation took place over a number of years, and I don't know if my parents turned their heads, or didn't know about it.
When I finally spoke out, MY PARENTS BLAMED ME !!!!
The accusations got out, and the town all found out.
I was teased, but thankfully was always one of the bigger kids, so I was able to fight back.
I did become introverted though.
Some of CDs profile is dead on, other parts WAY OFF....
I had some counseling, and was able to turn things around the last few years of High School.
I did go to college, and was able to get into police work.
I worked as a local, and then for the feds, but in 2007, I was involved undercover where I was a witness to child abuse.
I couldn't blow the case, so I had to continue to play my part, but old memories resurfaced.
I started drinking too much, I fought a lot, I became an fool ( this almost helped my undercover story, because I was playing a bad guy )
That was the last undercover I was involved with, and I retired last year.
Since then bad memories are resurfacing and some of these case are still coming to court.
I can't get away from dark thoughts, and feel that I am a molester, because I allowed the abuse to continue both in my childhood, and in the undercover case.
Bottom line, I don't like who I am right now, and I need to seek help.
I am thankful for a good retirement package that allows me to get some good treatment for my mental illness.
I am depressed and have begun to drink too much, and have had nightmares lately about everything.
On a few occasions, I thought about eating my gun.
Instead, I decided to seek counseling, and stay away from things that "make me mean"
That includes covers.
I apologize for all the bad things I have said and done, and I hope the mods will let this stay in politics, because that is where I have done my most damage.
I also hope the mods will allow people to bash away at me, I think I owe people that "payback"
So, thanks you to the friends I have made, and to my haters, you get what you want...
you get me saying goodbye, you get to kick me while I am down, you get to see a disgraced humbled person who has hit rock bottom