I’m beginning to feel like a three-round fighter that isn’t ready for the championship rounds.
Oregon Ducks championship future bet vs. Auburn Tigers. Loss.
Miami Heat championship future bet vs. Dallas Mavericks. Loss.
Team USA championship future bet vs. Team Japan. Loss.
The pain of these tickets is compounded by the fact that I’m a real Oregon Ducks fan, I’m a real LeBron James fan, and I’m one of the 10 or so real United States Women’s Soccer team fans.
I still can’t believe all of my teams let me down in the same calendar year. I’m finally beginning to understand what it must be like to be a Cleveland sports fan.
I woke up Monday morning and reflected on Team USA’s epic choke job in the World Cup Final. Japan’s equalizers were still fresh in my head. It’s funny how my memory becomes photographic during losing tickets. I’ve found that traumatizing events, like when you catch your uncle starring at your friend's ass, will do that to you.
The difference between losing a championship ticket versus an everyday straight wager is the coverage a championship game garners. And when the event is this big, there’s no getting away from it.
I usually wake up and watch ESPN’s 1st & Ten
and flip back and forth between Regis & Kelly
. I don’t really enjoy either of the shows, but I definitely don’t want to miss the episode when Regis Philbin or Skip Bayless finally goes bat-shit-crazy and pees on the audience or something out of this world. If you watch either of these shows, you know they’re both teetering on insanity.
I skipped on the morning TV in order to avoid references about Team USA. I really wasn’t in the mood to listen to anymore “LeHope” Solo commentary.
I decided to watch Martha Stewart in the afternoon because I figured she was too busy trying to turn used toilet paper into a centerpiece and may have missed Sunday's game altogether.
One minute into the show, “Congratulations to the United States Women’s Soccer Team!”
Congratulations for what? I’ve always been told second place is the first loser. Bitch.
Thankfully, I was saved by the bell – the door bell. I turned the TV off and checked to see who was at my door. A bunch of little girls?
I opened the door.
“Hi. Would you like to buy some candy to help our soccer team go to California for a tournament?”
I just stared at them. They probably thought I was crazy. At that particular moment, I may have been.
In my head, I was going into a tirade on these little girls about suffering the same fate and blowing two leads in the final of their California tournament and coming home losers like Team USA did.
Instead, “Sure, give me the whole box” came out.
With $200 pissed away on candy, I decided to come to grips with my loss by eating chocolate and giving myself a little pseudo shock therapy while watching ESPN’s coverage on the World Cup the rest of the day.
There will be another championship fight around the corner but this time, I will come out victorious. I'm counting down the days to football season when I will get a shot at redemption.
I refuse to become “LeSarah” Phillips. Til next time, cover the spread.
Follow Sarah J. Phillips on Twitter @Covers_SJP