I was very disappointed to call myself an Oregonian this past week. We took a beating.
Between the Blazers wasting $8 million on Greg Oden, a player more famous for his dong pictures than his NBA resume (it’s no wonder the guy has knee problems with that thing slapping against his patella all day) and Ducks head coach Chip Kelly doing his best Jim Tressel impersonation, I knew I needed to a break from the State of Oregon.
Cue the road trip – one of the greatest college traditions of all.
My girl friends and I were pumped to get on the road. We planned to leave around 8 p.m. but didn’t head out until 11, which put us right on schedule (adjust three hours for standard "getting ready" delay).
Our trips usually follow the same script:
We eat a ton of fast food which makes us feel really good due to the high sugar content. Then, we realize it’s bikini season, so we get really mad at ourselves for eating it. In order to cure the depression, we eat some more fast food to get the sugar high again. Just like a gambler chasing their bets...
We listen to a ton of music, from Shania Twain to Lil Wayne. If you haven’t heard four white girls rapping, it’s quite the scene. It’s especially amusing when the lyrics are really angry and we sing-a-long like it’s a pop song. Eazy E must be rolling over in his grave.
We always have one incident of road rage, too. My friend texts while she drives, almost gets in a wreck, and then flips off the other driver for not being aware that she was sending an important message.
This year, we decided to take our talents to the State of Washington. And, if you’re unfamiliar with Washington law, online gambling is a big no-no. “Washington residents who play poker or make most other types of wagers on the Internet will be committing a Class C felony, equivalent under the law to possessing child pornography, threatening the governor or torturing an animal.”
That’s right. Online wagering is the equivalent of having a naked picture of a six year old in your back pocket, telling Gov. Christine Gregoire to "stick it", or beating up a cat. That’s disturbing on so many levels. Unfortunately, this law always makes for an adventure during my time in The Evergreen State.
Whenever I come to town, my Washington area friends act like we’re on an episode of Crime Scene Investigation. If the topic of conversation turns to a sporting event, they all get quiet like we’re discussing the details of a double homicide. Henrik and Daniel Sedin may as well be the Menendez brothers during our discussions.
However, because of this law, I’m going to have to cut this column short. I may have allegedly
placed some wagers, and I may have supposedly
won them. Or, I may have allegedly
watched a pretty Fourth of July fireworks show and supposedly
sipped on a couple mimosas.
It’ll take an NCAA probe to find out. Til next time, cover the spread.
--Follow Sarah J. Phillips on Twitter @Covers_SJP