Most men try to impress me with unsolicited betting advice when they find out I’m a sports bettor myself. They usually have a myriad of theories on how they win and how much money they have. Even though they’re still driving a 1987 Toyota Tacoma, they swear they can rival Billy Walters when it comes to picking winners.
Apparently, they want to keep their winnings discreet. Right.
I usually deal with this type of situation on a once-a-week cycle. In cities where testosterone levels are higher and small-man syndrome is more rampant, I may have to deal with it two or three times.
Last week was no different.
I was approached by a man, who we’ll call Joe Public, during Game 6 of the Thunder-Grizzlies series. He claimed to be a professional poker player and had a substantial bankroll. As usual, he beat his chest like most men do and exclaimed, “Put $10,000 on the Thunder and thank me later.”
From my experiences, if anyone ever tells you to make a wager and “thank them later,” it’s small-man code for calling it the “Game of the Year” - automatic fade material. Avoid at all costs.
I laughed inside and told him I would take the Grizzlies for $2,500 versus him. His GOY type comments only solidified my confidence in Memphis.
The first half was dominated by the Thunder. The Grizzlies went into the half down 10 points, and I had listened to an infinite amount of “I told you so’s” from Joe.
If anyone you meet explicitly uses the term “I told you so,” it’s the same as them having small hands and feet. Catch my drift?
I remained confident in the Grizzlies and they delivered early in the second half. I’m pretty reserved when my side begins to climb back and overtake a wager, so I sat in my chair and sipped on some cold water.
Who am I kidding? I was going nuts!
Every time Zach Randolph put up a shot, I was yelling “Z BOOOOO” and making bomb blasting noises as the ball went through the basket. My mom would have been so proud.
But when it came to settle the wager, Joe was nowhere to be found.
I bet you didn’t see that coming. But, I did.
I assume he didn’t have the money and he probably didn’t enjoy losing a wager to a woman. It’s a double whammy, but I’m used to it. Sometimes I want to win for monetary gain, and other times I’m simply looking to solidify women among men as bettors.
Money can’t buy respect, winning does.
Bomb blast Joe. Mission accomplished.
SJP Playoff Pick: Miami Heat +2.5