Covers.com's Jason Logan is back with his favorite exotic props and futures plays from around the wagering world. Formally known as the Betting Grab Bag, each column will explore the most notable alternative bets sportsbooks are offering. For more prop bets and futures wagers check out Covers.com's new Special Events section.
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Have you ever stood in line at a busy nightclub only to have the dolled-up skank - and 13 of her bubbly friends behind you - skip the crowds and get the VIP treatment from the doorman?
Have you gone into the store simply to break a dollar and the clerk still asks you paper or plastic?
Have people described you as having an “awesome personality”?
If you answered yes to one of these questions, you may be one of the billions suffering from a bad roll of Mother Nature's dice. You just may be...ugly.
Beautiful people rule the world. They may not be behind the desk making the tough calls or crunching the numbers, but that's because they don't have to – they're beautiful. They're busy getting free desserts and talking their way out of speeding tickets.
But even the most beautiful people can get ugly by osmosis. A little thing I like to call, “When ugly gets ugly.” Just take a look at former ESPN baseball analyst Steve Phillips. He's a good looking dude, dresses sharp and carries his salt-n-pepper stylings well.
Last month, when word hit the streets that Phillips was cheating on his now ex-wife with a 22-year-old production assistant, ESPN suspended the former MLB general manager. But when the unflattering photos of Phillips' frumpy fling started spreading across media sources, the sports network canned their beloved baseball insider.
This wouldn't have happened if the 22-year-old production assistant was among the beautiful people. If the girl had looked like Marisa Miller, hell even Wentworth Miller, Phillips would have served his time off the air and not been cast out like fellow shamed ESPN personalities Sean Salisbery, Harold Reynolds and Jason Jackson.
This ugly situation was the most recent in a long line of sex scandals to hit ESPN, and oddsmakers don't expect it to be the last.
The crew at Bookmaker.com has released odds for the next ESPN personality to be involved in a sex scandal, pricing former NBA great and basketball commentator Bill Walton as a +250 favorite. Imaginative bettors could see Walton's love child surfacing, conceived in the midst of some psychedelic trip at a Grateful Dead concert in the late 70s.
Also among the faves are ESPN dinosaur Chris Berman (+350), who imaginative bettors may want to block out of their heads for the sake of keeping down their lunch. Jim Rome is priced at +300, but it's hard to see how any woman, no matter how ugly, could stand the guy long enough for Rome to even drop his pants.
Rounding out the list is Stuart Scott (+400), Mel Kiper Jr. (+500) and Suzy Kolber (+550), who should be OK as long as Broadway Joe stays off the sauce.
Tantalizing Toons
Some believe it all started with Who Framed Roger Rabbit? - more specifically the curvaceous illustration known as Jessica Rabbit. Others say, dudes have be lusting over cartoon babes since Betty and Veronica or Wilma and Betty.
Whenever the fascination with fictional femmes began, it peaked last month when Marge Simpson graced not only the cover, but had a spread in Playboy Magazine. The gravely-voiced mom of our generation's greatest TV show was sketched in the buff – bringing man's biggest sexual secret to the forefront of mainstream media.
Many people thought the pics were harmless and a funny shot at the blonde-haired, big-boobed cookie-cutter women pasted in the pages of the magazine each month. Others were appalled by the racy shots of Marge in seductive poses and called the spread sick.
Sick or not, the November issue was a hit and books expect this toonish trend to continue. Oddsmakers at Sports Interaction have set another of Fox's animated moms as the next drawing to drop her drawers for Playboy. Family Guy's Louis Griffin is priced at +200 to be the next animated centerfold.
Among the animated exhibitionists favored are the aforementioned Mrs. Rabbit (+500), Wonder Woman (+600), Popeye's main squeeze Olive Oil (+700) and a slew of Disney gals, all priced at +2200 and above.
If Disney isn't letting ESPN personalties do fat chicks, there's no way Tinkerbell is showing us her Neverland.
Till double-doubles do us part
TMZ is still soggy in the pants from the excitement created when Los Angeles Lakers sixth-man Lamar Odom married the runt of the Kardashian litter, Khloe, in an out-of-the-blue wedding this September.
This pairing isn't overly odd (Khloe's sister Kim dates an athlete, New Orleans Saints' Reggie Bush, and her mom re-married former Olympian Bruce Jenner), but Odom and the co-star of E! reality show, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, tied the knot after just a month of dating and already have a lengthy pre-nuptial agreement in place - which includes courtside Lakers tickets (cause I'd want my ex-wife heckling me at every home game).
The fun-loving bookmakers at Sports Interaction have developed one of the most original and entertaining props this column has ever seen in honor of the love that Lamar and Khloe share. The sportsbook is offering an over/under on Odom's total points for the Lakers before he and Kardashian breakup.
Odom is off to a good start this season, averaging more than 12 points a night for a grand total of 50 points heading into Wednesday's game against the Houston Rockets. If you average out Odom's scoring pace, he'll total roughly 175 points per month this season. Oddsmakers have 50-99 points priced at +500 for those of you expecting this thing to fall through any day now.
NBA stars like Dennis Rodman have seen their Hollywood marriage go down in flames in just 10 days while others like Tony Parker and Eva Longoria and Grant Hill and Tamia have stood the test of time.
Former Lakers forward Rick Fox was married to singer/actress Vanessa Williams for five NBA seasons before divorcing in 2004. Fox scored 2,835 points in that span and averaged just under 10 points per game during his 13 years in the NBA.
Odom owns a career scoring average of more than 15 points, so anyone wagering on the disintegration of his marriage should aim for the high totals like 1000-1249 points at +700 if they are hunting for value.
But really, best of luck you crazy kids. We're all rootin' for you, especially the books, which have 1500 or more points set as the favorite at -111.
For more prop bets and futures wagers check out Covers.com's new Special Events section.