It’s hard to rely on my own good intentions
When my head’s full of things that I can’t mention
I know what you’re thinking, “Any respect I had for this douchebag just went out the window after leading with a lyric from some 1980s wuss-rock band.”
I’m sorry, but this week no words suit my feelings more than those of Toad The Wet Sprocket.
After another undefeated week with my underdog picks, I fully believed I would write a lead that would blow the balls off my readers.
I would provide insightful analysis, quick-hit notes and mind-bending theories on betting dogs in the NFL. I would be funny, sincere and thought provoking.
All other sports columns would bow down to this apex of short literature.
But, instead I’m giving you this drivel. It’s Friday night and I want to get drunk. So with my trusty Heineken in hand, I give you my three favorite picks of Week 11.
Minnesota Vikings at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-4)
The Bucs have rushed for 129 yards in their last two games. They haven’t really impressed me since Week 7 and that was at home against an injury-depleted Seahawks team.
Tampa Bay’s offense is far too one dimensional for my liking. Head coach Jon Gruden hopes his ground game will pick up with the return of former Rookie of the Year Cadillac Williams, but how much can you rely on a back who hasn’t taken an NFL hit since September 2007?
Minnesota running back Adrian Peterson looks like he’s single-handedly going to carry the Vikings offense into the playoffs. Gus Frerotte makes me nervous under center but Minnesota shouldn’t have to put up many points to stay ahead of the Bucs.
Pick: Vikings
Arizona Cardinals at Seattle Seahawks (+3)
The Cards were fortunate to leave the field last Monday with the victory. If the Niners had any idea what they were doing on offense, we’d all be talking about another famous Arizona choke job.
Instead the Cardinals are sitting pretty with the NFC West all but gift wrapped for them.
All signs point to Matt Hasselbeck returning and that means coach Mike Holmgren can use more than 15 passing plays (sorry Seneca Wallace fans).
Qwest Field remains one of the toughest places for visiting teams and this game means much more to the Seahawks than their opponents.
Pick: Seahawks
Tennessee Titans at Jacksonville Jaguars (+3)
Where the hell did all this Kerry-Collins-for-MVP talk come from? The Titans’ 9-0 start (8-1 ATS) is nothing short of remarkable, but why is some washed up bum getting all the credit?
I understand he’s the quarterback of the team with the best record in the NFL but he doesn’t deserve the league’s highest individual honor for throwing five touchdown passes in nine games.
Make an argument for defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth if you want a Tennessee player to bring home some hardware. That guy is the best defensive lineman in the game and he has a larger impact on the Titans’ success every Sunday.
I expect the Jags to make all this go away with two interceptions returned for touchdowns and a 24-17 win over Jeff Fisher’s club.
Pick: Jags
Last week: 2-0-1
Season record: 16-12-2