"I would rather play with 10 people and just get penalized all the way until we got to do something else, rather than play with 11 when I know that right now that person is not sold out to be part of this team. Cannot play with them. Cannot win with them. Cannot coach with them. Can't do it." — 49ers coach Mike Singletary.
For much of the 2008 football season, I've been whining about the dearth of talent, the lack of excitement and the exceptionally poor quality of West Coast NFL football.
If you've been paying attention from the start, you'd be doing rather well with your wagering wad as the 49ers and Raiders are 4-11 against the number this year. Some might say that will even out over time. I'm not so sure.
The Chargers and Seahawks are a combined 5-10. And those teams were supposed to be good.
All that ugliness was tossed into the back seat last weekend, thanks to new 49ers head coach Mike Singletary.
Ol' Linebacker Eyes pulled off a rare grand slam of coaching that may never be equaled in our lifetimes.
In ONE game. His FIRST game.
He benched his starting QB before the first-half ended, yanking turnover-prone J.T. O'Sullivan from the game and sending in career clipboard holder Shaun Hill to hand the ball off to end the first half. That's like taking an outfielder off the field in the middle of the inning.
Singletary then sent underachieving tight end Vernon Davis to the locker room after Davis committed an idiotic penalty. Davis didn't seem too upset about his mistake, so the coach kicked him off the sideline.
What we also learned this week was that during halftime, Singletary dropped his pants to make a point about his team's awful play against the awful Seahawks.
The enduring, and slightly disturbing vision is of Singletary continuing to berate his team with his pants around his ankles for another 2-3 minutes.
After the game, he went on an animated, bizarre and brutally honest rant about his disappointing team. His postgame outburst followed an apology to fans as he walked off the field.
A grand slam? A Fab Five!
Singletary's "Won't Do It" onslaught makes him an American hero to me. He said what many frustrated pro sports fans have moaned about in recent years, to the point where some have stopped watching games all together.
The over-riding feeling is: Hey knuckleheads, stop thumping your chest, yanking out your jersey, pointing to everyone in the stadium (or worse, to the heavens) and acting like a punk. Play for the jersey, not yourself. Or your posse.
I'm the first to admit as a 50-year-old white guy that I'm not hip, not hip hop and not entirely sure what makes music cool anymore. I do believe AC/DC is touring again, but the tickets seem a bit much since I saw them for $10 at Winterland in 1975.
One Bay Area columnist was so fired up after witnessing Singletary's outrage that he "charged out of Singletary's news conference looking for a helmet and shoulder pads."
But Vernon Davis? He didn't look as if he even deserved a helmet after getting a 15-yard penalty for shoving a Seattle defender under the chin. You see, Davis had caught a 7-yard pass with his team down by 20 points . . . clearly, someone had to pay.
Won't do it! Won't put up with that garbage.
Have you ever lost a bet because some Me-First clown did something stupid at the end of a game? Didn't you want to dunk him in syrup and feed him into a hill of fire ants?
Cannot play with them. Cannot bet on them. Won't do it!
Will it change anything? Will Singletary inspire legions of young players to unselfishly try hard every play — for the team?
Any kid who plays football and watched Davis slink off the field with helmet in hand — in the middle of the game! — better get the message. If a hundred kids get the message, it was worth it.
There is a problem for Mr. Singletary. A big one.
He fired all his big cannons the first week of his coaching career. He dropped all his bombs, along with his trousers. What can he do to get their attention now?
Take off all his clothes? Bring Bill Walsh back form the dead? Suit up?
His other problem is that the 49ers don't have much talent and no matter how much he yells, or drops trou, or tells the fans he's sorry, things aren't going to get better anytime soon.
The two quarterbacks — Hill and O'Sullivan — have been carrying clipboards the last 4-5 seasons for a reason. Running back Frank Gore is getting pounded. Veteran big-money free agent signings like Jonas Jennings and Nate Clements were money wasted.
By next year, I predict Singletary will be scaring the pants off players from another team. I'm reasonably certain he'll keep his on from here on out.
Anymore illegal procedure like that and . . . well, can't do it!
College Picks
Washington State, perhaps the worst team in the history of the Pac-10, comes to Stanford. WSU hasn't covered yet, but the bookies will eventually catch up, won't they? Not quite this weekend as Stanford posts a 41-6 win. Laying the 30 will keep you nervous to the end.
Oregon comes to Berkeley where Cal is a 3-point favorite. The Bears took care of business last weekend against UCLA, but Oregon is getting its wings and its chops behind a vicious running attack and will edge Cal, 30-26.
I wouldn't touch the USC-Washington game with that grotesque spread of 46 or 47. If you had to take a side, take USC and sweat out a 51-7 type game. Couple missed points here or there and you're hosed.
You can't lose going against the gutless Arizona State Sun Devils, who get 15-16 at Oregon State. You have to take the Beavers and watch ASU fade pridelessly into the Corvallis night, 38-13.
Bonus pick: Idaho got off the schneid in a big way last week, upsetting New Mexico State for its first win over a legit team in 173 years or some such thing. Big letdown this week as San Jose State (17-point favorites) hammers the Vandals, 37-10.
NFL Picks
You want a huge break? The 49ers and Chargers aren't even playing this week.
Wait, that's a bad thing. We like to hammer against these clowns every week. Now I'm depressed.
I see no reason to start believing in the Raiders, who are a small underdog (2-3) at home against Atlanta. Prized rookie Darren McFadden isn't playing again because both his toes are sore and crooked from shoes that don't fit. The team is blaming Nike. Whatever. Falcons 23, Raiders 12.
The Seahawks enjoyed a rare laugher last week and it lit a fuse on new 49er coach Mike Singletary. This week, the Eagles will light up the Seahawks, 31-14. You only have to lay 7 with Philly.
The Cardinals are our one West Coast NFL team with a winning mark ATS (4-3) Too bad Arizona isn't all that close to the West Coast, but we claim them just the same. Arizona (as a 3-point favorite) will push aside the Rams this week, in St. Louis, 28-14.