I avoid entering into sports-related debates similar to how I will avoid my mother-in-law when I’m married. There’s no winning in a conversation based entirely on opinion knowing that an opinion is neither right nor wrong.
Sometimes, I make a mistake and slip into a conversation that’s begging for confrontation.
“The only conference you need to watch is the SEC. Everyone else in the nation is playing for second place . . . AGAIN!”
I looked up and saw the buffoon who made this statement. He was dressed in orange and black. In the State of Oregon, we have all the idiots dress in orange and black so we can identify them more easily in social settings. These also happen to be the school colors of my Oregon Ducks rivals, the Oregon State Beavers. So, I let this comment slide and returned to enjoying my night at the bar.
“Jordan Jefferson kicked a marine in the head just like he’s going to curb stomp the Duckies on September 3rd.”
Ok. My blood pressure was rising. I assume I was still in a healthy medical range, so I decided to let it go.
“LSU over Oregon by four touchdowns.”
THAT’S IT!
I calmly made my way over to the corner where the zoo was congregating, and introduced myself. I was disguised as a slightly promiscuous 20-some woman in a sequined dress, so they had no idea how well versed I was in collegiate sports.
We shared some laughs, I pretended like I gave a damn what they were talking about, and then I settled in for the kill, 007 style.
I had to do a bearing check since I had been touting LSU over Oregon a month ago before all of the Days of our Lives drama from both teams. I bet on LSU +2.5 when the line opened, and have since bought out of, and bet on Oregon Pick.
It was time to lay the hammer, “Oregon is going to beat LSU.”
The conversation halted.
“Who are you, Erin Andrews?”
Side note: Why is it that every woman who knows anything about sports has to be compared to Erin Andrews? Doris Burke is more knowledgeable. Erin Andrews is beautiful, but Doris Burke knows her shit.
Our conversation waged back and forth. He and his friends gave me the ol’, “Oregon got killed by Auburn” argument. Obviously, they were dealing with a little Roger Clemens misremembering syndrome because Oregon lost 19-22 off a Michael Dyer “Was he down? Yes, he was. Wait, no he wasn’t! He’s still running!” game-winning, field goal set-up run.
They took shots at Oregon’s defense.
I took shots at the LSU’s offense.
We came to the eventual stalemate like most sports debates.
The advantage of being a sports bettor during these drawn out arguments is that you can end it with a phrase that trumps all opinion, “Wanna bet?”
We settled on a wager. The dollar amount was nominal. In situations like these, the pride of being the winner is worth much more than a pick ‘em bet.
Don’t call me the next Erin Andrews. I’m the first Sarah J. Phillips, and the difference between my sports knowledge and hers is that I back my opinions by putting my money where my mouth is.
Til next time, cover the spread.
